You Might Be A Partisan Hack If…

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There’s nothing sexier than an independent free thinker who seeks understanding and stands in their own truth, come what may. There is nothing less sexy than someone who gets their worldview pre-packaged from the pundits and politicians of the Democratic or Republican party and thinks what they’re told to think.

Not sure which one you are? Check yer neck! Here are 32 signs that your take on life could be based on partisan bullshit instead of rigorous and sincere independent consideration.

You might be a partisan hack if…

  1. You think America was doing great until Trump came along.
  2. You think America has significantly improved since Trump arrived.
  3. You used to think Julian Assange should be executed, but now you think he’s a hero.
  4. You used to love WikiLeaks before they became a Nazi fascist extension of the Kremlin.
  5. You gave a shit one way or the other about Kathy Griffin’s severed head stunt.
  6. You think America is in danger of becoming a communist country.
  7. You think America is in danger of being overtaken by Nazis.
  8. You have unironically called someone a Nazi today.
  9. You think Fox News is more truthful than CNN or MSNBC.
  10. You suddenly have a problem with the US military’s presence in Afghanistan.
  11. You’ve been more concerned about the future of Confederate statues lately than about war, corruption and poverty.
  12. You feel significantly different about Sean Hannity than you feel about Rachel Maddow.
  13. You can watch Samantha Bee without throwing anything at the TV.
  14. You have ever managed to find a way to be offended by the words “black lives matter.”
  15. You think your country’s racial problems have gotten better or worse since Obama left office.
  16. You think you have perceived significant changes in actual policy from Bush to Obama to Trump.
  17. You defended the unforgivable Iraq invasion when Bush was president, or during the Clinton campaign.
  18. You think most of your country’s problems are caused by racists and Republicans.
  19. You think most of your country’s problems are caused by immigrants and Democrats.
  20. You give a shit whether or not a politician says the words “radical Islamic terrorism.”
  21. You believe that being a Democrat who respects John McCain means you’re a nonpartisan free thinker.
  22. You think Venezuela’s problems are proof that socialism doesn’t work instead of proof that America destroys disobedient oil states.
  23. You only use the word “oligarchs” when talking about Russia.
  24. You think the phrase “tolerant left” has any relevance to anyone outside your echo chamber.
  25. You acquired a sudden fondness for US generals and the intelligence community this year.
  26. You call Democrats “leftists”.
  27. You say there are fascists in the White House like this is a new development.
  28. You think either party gives a shit about you.
  29. You think either party can or will solve your country’s problems.
  30. You think either party is solely responsible for your country’s problems.
  31. You think either party is designed to serve anyone other than America’s ruling class of billionaires and their lackeys.
  32. Reading through this list made you uncomfortable.

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