Kids These Days

Listen to a reading of “Kids These Days”:

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Well you know kids these days they’re so entitled .
They’ll quit a job just because they don’t like it,
or because it doesn’t pay enough,
or because they’re not grateful for the privilege
of turning a gear for a silver dollar and an attaboy sammy.

And you know kids these days they’re scary and strange,
because what are they doing on them smart phones anyhow?

And how do we keep track of what they’re getting up to
when we can’t see it through our front windows from between the gaps in the blinds?

And how are we supposed to mind them
when we don’t understand their jokes or their references,
or why they’re being so nice to freaks?

How can we teach them to hate their bodies
when they insist that all bodies are beautiful?

And how can we teach them to fight like a man
or submit like a woman
when they insist that they are neither?

And how can we teach them what to think about things
when they’d rather watch other kids create content
than listen to the pundits we put on TV?

And how can we teach them to kill for our country
when they’re so gentle and sensitive
and care about other people’s feelings?

And how can we force our system on other countries
when they keep whining to foreigners online about how bad it is at home?

And how is capitalism supposed to work
when they have no shame in being poor,
and just blame the system when they can’t afford a home
instead of hating themselves?

And how is industry supposed to thrive
when they keep babbling nonsense about saving the environment;
do they have any idea how bad that would be for the economy?

And how can we train them how to run this world
when they keep waving us away whenever we try
and telling us we’re the ones who created this mess in the first place?

And you know kids these days,
kids these days,
buddy lemme tell you the trouble with kids these days
is they don’t know how to goddamn listen.
We try to teach them what’s been working for us,
and they just say “It hasn’t been working though.
Stop trying to save us.
We’ll save you.”

And, I mean, what the hell is that?
“We’ll save you?”
Save us from what?
And how?
Dang little brats you don’t even know how to use a cassette player.

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