I’m not sure how much more clear I can make that I don’t mean all men when I say that I have the most amazing dad, husband and son. In fact, I would go further and say the reason I can stand in my truth here and say that there is a sickness in our culture and I want it out is because of those three people. I grew up in a very healthy home environment, but I went straight out into the world and got beat-the-fuck-up. Far from hating men, I really thought that all men were like my dad! That was part of the problem. I projected his goodness onto them, I was so trusting and guileless and good-hearted and sweet, and I got smashed around like tinny on Bass Strait.

I blamed myself, too. My way of coping with it was to make it my fault. That way I felt like maybe I could control it if I just worked out the right combination of things to do/not to do then I could make myself safe. But I couldn’t, and the more I got beat up, the more afraid I got, the less access I had to my inspiration, creativity, will power and voice.

Twenty years later and I have my voice back but I only got it back because of the help of my incredible husband and my remarkable son. There is nothing in me that thinks this is an inherently masculine problem. It is a culture problem and it can be changed. Please help me change it. Honestly, life would be so much better for everyone if the women had their spark back. I have my spark back and you like me, don’t you? I want this so bad. I really think it could change the world in all the ways we both want.

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I write about the end of illusions.

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