Harris Says “Far Too Many Civilians Have Been Killed” In Genocide She Supports

Listen to a reading of this article (reading by Tim Foley):

“Far too many children have been eaten by hyenas,” the politician sobbed to the news camera while lowering more children into the hyena pit.

“Finally, a candidate who cares deeply about those poor children who keep getting killed by hyenas,” said Sally, turning up the volume on the television.

“What do you mean? She’s literally lowering those children into the hyena pit while she says that,” Phil objected.

“Okay but have you seen what the other candidate is saying?” Sally replied. “He says it’s good that the children are being eaten!”

“It’s such a sad and tragic tragedy,” the politician on TV shouted over the sound of screaming children. “We urgently need to get to the bottom of this problem.”

“Look, she just called it a tragedy,” said Sally. “The other candidate doesn’t think it’s sad or tragic at all.”

“But the end result is the same!” Phil exclaimed in exasperation. “In both cases the children are being killed, but when she kills them she’s acting sad about it!”

“She’s not killing the children, the hyenas are,” objected Sally. “Blame them!”

“Yeah but the hyenas couldn’t kill the children without her help,” Phil retorted.

“Well the hyenas have a right to eat,” said Sally. “What are you, anti-wildlife?”

“Oh my god, you ALWAYS accuse me of hating all wildlife when I object to our government’s policy of feeding children to hungry hyenas kept in a pit that was constructed for that specific purpose!”

“Okay well then if you’re not anti-wildlife I don’t understand why you’re so fixated on this one specific issue, Phil. There are other issues like reproductive rights, fiscal policy, and immigration reform you could be focusing on, but all you want to talk about is this small pit of hyenas which our government officials happen to lower a cage full of children into every morning.”

“Well maybe I don’t feel comfortable supporting anyone who’s going to feed children to hyenas at all, regardless of what words they happen to be saying about it and what emotions they happen to be expressing while doing so.”

“Look, she’s just making hard choices within the framework of the political realities of our day. If she stopped feeding children to the hyenas altogether, the hyena lobby would never let her become president.”

“Well then maybe that’s the problem, Sally! Maybe the problem is that we have a system that only lets us choose between politicians who want to feed children to hyenas! Maybe we should be fighting the fact that powerful interest groups exert so much control over our electoral and governmental systems that they can force the advancement of extremely depraved agendas with no accountability to the electorate, instead of fighting over which child killer we should be electing to lower children into the hyena pit!”

“What I’m hearing is that you want the guy who doesn’t say compassionate things about dying children to win, AND you also hate wildlife.”

“I’m turning off the TV, Sally.”

_____________________

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