Democrats Would Eat Live Kittens If Rachel Maddow Told Them To

Caitlin Johnstone
4 min readApr 22, 2017

You know it’s true. If the liberal talking heads told their audience that all kittens are demonically possessed by Russian oligarchs and the only way to stop them is to chew them up and pass them through your intestinal tract, the next morning there’d be millions of dim-witted Democrats picking fur out of their teeth and wondering why it hurts to live. The way they’ve been able to string these morons along using nothing but rote repetition and the illusion of unanimous consensus on extremely porous stories and get them to swallow the most transparently ridiculous conspiracy theories you could possibly imagine has been positively staggering these last few months. These increasingly irrelevant #TrumpRussia imbeciles I see on Twitter with their little charts and connecting lines make flat-earthers look like Stephen Hawking, but they have no idea how appallingly stupid they look because they’ve locked themselves into these tiny little echo chambers where everyone else validates their idiocy and tells them how smart and sane they are.

The only reason these gibbering bedlamites don’t believe that Elvis is running a pedophile sex trafficking ring out of a UFO is because Rachel Maddow hasn’t told them so yet. That is literally the only reason. Their critical thinking skills are so dead and their willingness to swallow every drop of every load of establishment bull spunk right down their throats and lick their lips clean means that they could be made to believe literally any story those horrible manipulators choose to inflict upon them, without a single solitary exception. It is only by sheer dumb coincidence that the people who actually run America happen to benefit from maintaining an illusion of relative normalcy and these lunatics aren’t duct-taping babies to ceiling fans or sacrificing poodles to Cthulhu at the frantic urging of Chris Cuomo.

That said, it still seems like there’s some kind of experiment or bet going on to see how far they can take this thing without breaking the spell. Right now, as a direct result of many months of corporate media brainwashing, the liberals of mainstream America are in a constant state of orgasmic ecstasy over the news that the Trump administration is planning on arresting WikiLeaks head Julian Assange. This news, originally broken by CNN and which Trump has said he’s “okay with,” is drawing applause from Democratic neocons throughout social media despite the fact that it is the Trump administration is doing it, despite the fact that arresting a recipient of political asylum is unlikely to happen without gross violations of international law, despite the fact that prosecuting a journalist for leaking classified information will set a dangerous precedent for the rest of the press, and despite the fact that their reasons for hating Assange in the first place are based on stupid, empty lies.

Look at the glee with which #TrumpRussia heroine and actual, literal McCarthyist Louise Mensch cackles over the prospect of Assange being imprisoned by a government that tortures whistleblowers:

Or the pompous chortles of Hillary’s gimp-suited bootlicker Peter Daou:

Establishment caricature Joy Reid is so excited about the possibility of Assange’s arrest and torture that despite her entirely identity politics-based following she can’t resist taking a loose homophobic jab:

And, because they have been paced into believing that Assange is a Trumpster and a hostile Kremlin agent based on no evidence whatsoever, the rank-and-file McWarriors of the McResistance have been grabbing their vagina hats and falling over themselves to scramble into line right behind them:

Is this depressing you? It shouldn’t. Mark my words: these pathetic, mindless automatons will be among last to join in the actual revolution against the actual power structures in the United States, but they will join. They go wherever the strongest voice of authority tells them to go, and one day in the not-too-distant future, that voice will be ours. In the meantime, they will not provide much of an obstacle to what we’re trying to do, if only because they are too weak and too stupid to cause much of a problem. Ignore them and fight the real vicious manipulators who are keeping the rest of the country under their spell. They will fall in line behind us like the sheep they are once we’ve become where the energy is at.

As I said recently, the war that we clear-eyed rebels are fighting against the deep state is first and foremost a media war. If a factory is poisoning a village’s water supply, you don’t need to fight the poisoned villagers, you need to stop the poisoning. The corporate media and its pundits are the poison factory; it’s not the villagers’ fault they’re too stupid to quit drinking the damn water. Keep pointing out the plot holes, keep debunking the lies, keep pointing and making lots and lots of noise whenever the manipulators try something sick and creepy so that everyone looks and they have no shadows to hide in. We will start turning the tide using the unprecedented ability to network and share information that the internet has given us, and in greater and greater numbers people will begin joining the true resistance. Even, eventually, the McResistance.

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