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This sacred pause,

this sacred space,

has opened up

between me and my agreements.

Agreements I made when I was too young to consent.

When:

I agreed that war is normal,

I agreed that greed is good,

I agreed some must die,

I agreed that poverty is unavoidable,

I agreed that everyone must work,

I agreed that you can lie to me for my own good,

I agreed that I was born bad and only punishment by cruel men could make me good,

I agreed that in order to learn I needed to be abused,

I agreed that only things that make money were things worth creating,

I agreed that peace was only to be found in death,

I agreed that home was only to be found in death,

I agreed that release from suffering was only to be found in death,

I agreed that rest was only to be found in death,

I agreed that heaven was only to be found in death,

I agreed that bliss was only to be found in death,

I agreed not to assert my right to have any of these things until I died,

I agreed that I did not have a right to a home,

I agreed that I did not have a right to food,

I agreed that I did not have a right to help,

I agreed that I did not have a right to happiness,

I agreed to give you my body,

I agreed to to have and to hold,

I agreed to pretend you won,

I agreed to let it slide,

I agreed to keep quiet,

I agreed to lie that I was fine,

I agreed to lie to myself that I was fine,

I agreed that your pleasure was more important than mine,

I agreed to feel guilty for what you did to me,

I agreed to hate my body,

I agreed to punish my body,

I agreed to hate myself,

I agreed to punish myself,

I agreed to make your dreams my priority,

I agreed to put mine aside,

I agreed to be obey the rules even when the rules were batshit crazy,

I agreed to abide by the law even when the law was wrong,

I agreed to feeling hopeless instead of feeling anger,

I agreed to skipping straight to disappointment without ever stopping to try,

I agreed to keeping the peace instead of stopping the war,

I agreed to pretend your taunts made me stronger even while they made me weaker,

I agreed to have your babies even when I did not feel safe enough to do so,

I agreed to provide for your babies while pretending you were their provider,

I agreed to protect your babies from you while pretending you were their protector,

I agreed to weave fairytales of how great you are while cleaning up the damage you wrought,

I agreed that what I do is worth nothing, but what you do is worth the world,

I agreed to let you wear my crown and then forget it was mine in the first place,

I agreed that you were the creator even as you destroyed my creations,

I agreed that all I made was yours and it was yours to keep from me.

I rescind these agreements,
as of this moment,
across all space and time,
through every level of the multiverse,
on every strand of DNA,
in every permutation of me,
in all the hiding spots of my being,
in the past, present, and future,
for now and ever more.

I do not consent.

Consent rescinded.

Consent unmanufactured.

Consent undone.

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I write about the end of illusions.

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